Failure. That seemed to be the theme of Kade's life these days. It seemed to follow him around, like those little dark rain clouds that you always seem following people in the cartoons. Just as it seemed that his life was looking up, something would come and hit him in the face, reminding him that his life wasn't meant to be normal anymore, that he wasn't supposed to be happy or do well. Maybe that was going overboard just a little, but that was what it felt like. Kade just needed to catch some sort of break from it all. Find some escape from having to act like everything was perfectly fine when it really wasn't.

Drugs, sex, and alcohol were usually pretty good escapes for the boy. He didn't like to do drugs too often, not wanting to be overly dependent on too much of anything. Drinking, well, that was something that had just become a part of his character. It was something that he liked to, and did often. Same goes for sex, but now really wasn't the time for that. It was late afternoon. Classes were over for the day. This was the dead time of the day. Students had to try and find something to do with themselves before party time. Or whatever it was that they chose to do with their evenings.

Kade usually tried to do a little bit of homework in this time, not wanting to completely fail in school. But, today he just didn't want to deal with people in general. Nothing in particular had happened that day during school hours, but it had just seemed like a long day. Though, Kade did seem to have a lot on his plate. He and his good friend Riley were on bad terms after a drunken night had landed them in bed together. Katrina, another good friend, and him were just up and the air right now. Kade was starting to slip, letting emotions get involved, especially when it came to his relationship with Ashley. Then Bre... it was all starting to pile up. Add the fact that his brother had died only a few months before that and it really just made a guy's day to have it all to think about and deal with.

So, after classes were over, Kade found his way out into the courtyard, opting to stay clear of the areas where students hung out the most and found himself a nice bench on the deserted side of the courtyard. Kade flung his bookbag to the ground, then let himself lay out across the bench on his back, one arm back under his head while the other came to lay across his stomach. Closing his hazel eyes, he let out a low sigh. Maybe just taking some time would help. Or, it could make it worse. But it could help too. Just like everything else. You never know until you try it.

Maybe failure wasn't the exact theme of his life. It was more like him screwing up in general. Failure just seemed a little too much for what it was that Kade did. It seemed that he could screw up anything and not even try. He made things harder than what they had to be, and when things got to be too hard, or to the point where he wanted nothing more to do with it, he set it up to fail. Kade didn't like people to get close to him, and when they seemed to be getting too close withough his own permission to do so, he made it to where they either couldn't get closer, or didn't want to. That was just the way he was, and always had been. There was really no good reason for him to be that way, but like they say, old habits die hard, and this was one that Kade didn't see going away. Ever.

So how in the hell did he find himself in the situations that he did now? Kade had always been the bad boy, that was true. He didn't like commitment, due to the whole "too close" thing, and the fact that he didn't like emotions to get in the way of things and make them messy. He liked simple. But, there were a few occasions every now and then that he did let someone in, let them get close and let them get to know him. Like with Riley. They were good friends, but nothing more. She was almost like the sister that he'd never had, and now that things weren't so good between them, Kade realized that once again, he'd screwed up. And with Bre, God, he'd screwed up a lot there. He'd cheated on her time and time again, knew it was wrong, but did it anyway. He'd hurt her, and he hated it. With Kat, well, he hadn't done anything to screw up too majorly yet, but with the tension building between them, it was bound to happen.

Then, there was Ashley. She and Kade had been "seeing" each other since their freshmen year there at Coverdell. At first, sex was the only thing that they really shared, but then they had actually started talking here and there, learning more about each other until there actually had the friends part of the whole "friends with benefits" thing down. Kade counted her as one of his good friends, but had always managed to keep emotions out of it. So maybe they did use each other from time to time, but it was something that neither of them minded, and did knowing that it didn't mean anything. Just good, harmless fun. But recently, Kade was slipping. Emotions were starting to get in the way. He was starting to let himself get more and more involved with Ashley, letting himself fall for her. Which was crazy, he knew. She didn't have emotions in this. She was sticking to the simple way that it had always been. So, Kade would just push these feelings aside and let them go.

And that would have been a lot easier if Ashley hadn't decided to drop in on him righ then and there. Another sight passed through his lips, a small grin forming on his lips. "You could say that," he said, responding to her teasing question, his hazel eyes opening slowly. Kade really didn't get as much sleep as he should these days. Sleep just wasn't his friend, and he often tried to avoid it when he could. Yeah, so the boy has issues. "It's just been one of those days, you know?" Kade didn't know if she knew or not, but surely she could relate. Everyone has had one of those days at some point in time.

Sleep was something that everyone needed to survive. You had to take some time to just relax and let your body recharge. Kade used to be one that slept for hours and hours, and was always one that was hard to wake up. His mother used to say that they boy could probably sleep through a hurricane, and Kade didn't doubt it. Just give him a comfortable spot and let him sit there for a moment or two, and he'd be out like a light in no time. Now though, Kade really did try to avoid sleep.

And what person in their right mind would do that, right? Kade had his reasons, and they were very good ones. Most people knew that Kade and his younger brother, Jared, had been involved in a car accident over that past summer. Jared had lost his life in that accident, but Kade had walked away with only a minor head injury and some stitches to show for it. For the past few months, Kade had been reliving that crash in the form of nightmares. Everytime he woke up from one, it felt like Jared had died all over again, and Kade was really having a hard time dealing with it. So, he opted to sleep as little as he could. He knew that he couldn't do this for long, but for now, he was how he handled it.

So, what had been on Kade's mind? Did Ashley really want to know all of the details? And did Kade really what to try and explain all of that? Kade really wasn't one to go around, telling everyone his sad little story. No, he really was more the type to just keep things to himself. The less people that knew, the better. At the moment, the only other person that knew about all this, the nightmares, the guilt, and this idea Kade had in his head about his father was Hunter, Kade's youngest brother. Sure, some people that knew Kade well might be able to see why he might feel guilt, but everything else was something that had to come from Kade's own mouth. So, did he really want to make things more complicated than they already were between him and Ashley?

"Nothing much," he responded, giving a light shrug of his shoulders before he moved to sit up on the bench, leaning back and making himself comfortable once again. "Just...stuff." Yes, that was a very vague response, but that was something that Kade was very good at. Or was learning to be very good at. Then, on top of all that stuff with his brother were the different stressful situations that he was currently finding himself in with the ladies. Especially Ashley. Things had to start looking up soon, didn't they? Kade let his hazel gaze find its way to Ashley, a small, thoughtful smile coming to his lips. "Thanks for caring. Or pretending to care. Either would be appreciated at this point."

There's always stuff. Kade knew that somehow, that was the truth. There was always going to be something to deal with, no matter what. But, it just seemed that things used to be so much easier, like that it wasn't so complicated as what the current issues seemed to be. Kade had had a pretty easy life. Sure, he had managed to get himself into a few fairly good messes, and there were just a few things that got to him. But after Kade's brother died, everything took on this whole new role. It just seemed harder. Maybe that made sense, maybe that didn't, but that was just the way that it seemed.

Kade chuckled lightly as he heard Ashley's next words and felt the light nudge that he felt from her. He didn't really think that Ashley would pretend to care for him. If anything, she would just come right out and say that what she really felt. Or, that's what he thought at least. "I knew it," he said, a smirk coming to his face as he turned his head to look at Ashley, crossing his arms over his chest. "You do care about me." Of course, after saying that, Kade's mind ventured to go further, wishing that maybe she'd care a little more, like he was beginning too. He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his mind, though, not wanting to even go there just yet.

"But, no worries. I care about you too," he added, sending a playful wink her way. Even if he did put a playful twist to it, Kade really did care, as mentioned before. He did care, probably a little more than what he would ever care to admit. Kade didn't like to let a lot of people see that he had a heart, and did a pretty good job of it. But, there were times when Kade did find people worthy of seeing that side of him. There were just very, very few people like that.